Just now a few minutes ago I had stepped outside the library from working on the computer to walk outside and confront some people standing outside the entrance of the library.
The short, older young black woman with the cap on her head pushing the baby stroller with her little one" girl (can't tell if the little girl's her daughter or her taller young black woman friend with the hair twists) gives me a "mean-looking" stink eye as I made my way back to sit down in my seat.
Why, lol, are you looking so mean at me? I haven' done you bad at anything. ;D Don't ever really know you.
She was the woman I had gave a "Jesus Christ LOVES You!" Gospel of Jesus Christ gospel tract card to a few weeks back.
Turns out I walk out the library door and I'm just walking but expecting to get into an argument with her. I was led of the Spirit to walk out; I was mildly grieved, upset, disappointed and "angry" at her unfounded "chip on her shoulder"self-projection" on me. I had done nothing to make look so "mean-looking" at me. I hate seeing those "ugly faces" in my vision.
A young black man with hair twists and a cap on his head lookin' like a real "thug" as is called got some "grills" on his teeth and I think if I recall correctly his name is "Cornbread" or "Catfish" lol. Street black folk names; but serious...
So I gave this older, young black man the handwritten by pen "Jesus Christ LOVES You!" Gospel of Jesus Christ gospel tract I had made last night along with some quick pocket change.
Could have gave him more but he made like he was in a rush to somewhere before I had chance to offer him more change. I was willing to give a bit more to go along with.
Anyways I don't really want to "get all into it" but the black woman I've met before; she's all like cursing me out calling me a "b*tch *ss n*gga" and I'm standing there off to the side of the concrete building with my back and leg against the wall engaging her coolly in her arguing.
I thank God He gives me the Grace to think calmly and rationally and not respond back in my PRIDE of anger, cursing and putting her in her place.
She's all like "B*tch *ss n*gga I'mma grown *ss woman!" (Well act like one!) and she's all condescending on me like I wouldn't "help her out" cuz she homeless after I already told him I'm going through a "homeless transitionary period" myself and not completely out the woods myself.
I only had a dollar and some change on me and she's all like "This n*gga wouldn't give me a dollar so I could buy a hamburger" which is something I don't recall or remember if she told me last time we crossed paths.
I remember her asking me for a "dollar" but not her telling me what she was gonna use it for. Last time she asked me for 50 cents so she could get me to go with her and buy her a cigarette to which I refused.
Now, when she brought up the "dollar deal" again as I've moved on in life and she's thinking I remember all this; she did NOT make it clear she was going to buy a hamburger with it; but she asked if she could have some "bus fare" money" to which I flatly said NO.
I didn't get back a response to where she was going and what her plans were to go with the dollar I could have given her. I might need that myself. No telling what she would have actually done with the dollar and I would have needed that for PROPER PURPOSES! I might need to actually get the bus to handle some important business. I have no time to "handout" for "leisure trips".
Anyways she's all cursing me "guilt-tripping" me in vain fashion to make like I'm so "a-hole" when in actuality SHE WAS THE ONE BEING THE REAL A-HOLE! lol At least I wasn't all angry cursing her out but calmly reproving and countering her foul words back at her. I didn't call her a "b*tch" as it's called, even though she was acting like one. I could've "snapped" got angry back, curse and argue like a heathen thug n*gga but I knew better than that to do, obviously...
I had to do the proper, RIGHT THING as a *CHRISTIAN* to keep my personal life testimony in good standing. Be the proper EXAMPLE as (unworthy) earthly representative of Lord Jesus Christ.
She's all like "You don't know my heart! I've helped all kinds of homeless people!" yadayadayada and I'm like "So I have, you don't know me as well." and we went a little "back 'n forth" on that as I deflected her accusations and assumptions as she said "N*ggas be assuming stuff like you thought I was gonna use that dollar to buy a cigarette." I'm like "No, I didn't know what you were gonna do with that dollar. You didn't tell me you were going to buy a hamburger."
She just saying I'm "assuming" about her" when in actuality the script is FLIPPED and she's actually ASSUMING what SHE ASSUMED I thought about her. All she wanted was the money from me and to go; she didn't want to get to me know me and "make friends" as being a fellow homeless person; and go further and tell me the details of what she intented to do. Just to "rip off" something frpm me and "screw me over" and don't care about being clear and true. Just wanted my buck andto leave.
Anyways, lol, she could have been MORE HONEST and since she obviously had the "time to "fuss and argue" with me what she should have done was talk in "regular conversation" like good, civil people do and politely discuss her intentions. But no; she can't do like that.
I didn't and don't respect her horrible attitude she showed towards me. She knows she could have (in her words) "be a grown "*ss woman" and act like one but instead she's all in a "hissy fit" like an emotionally-immature lil' girl. Not behaving like a "grown woman". Do better than that. I'm a stranger to you, and haven't done you any bad or harm personally but good since we first met passing by in life. She doesn't know me at all, like I don't know her.
Lord Knows I would be willing to help any way I could at the time as long as I have an idea of what's going on in her situation. Hey, so she's homeless, so I am! We could have discussed some things to see how we both could have helped each other since we're all in the same boat; but she wasn't being "understanding" in that respect. That kind of thinking is beyond her at this point.
lol... Seems like her girlfriend had the smart sense to "keep quiet" and not condone or "go along" with her friend's pointless, senseless, arguing at a stranger. I'm not sold on her either; she probably has her own "ugly ways" as well; but hides it better than her friend. But at least friend her is honest in her "real self" upfront. I hate dealing with fakes. And yeah, I got my own "ugly ways" as well when I'm in sin; but I don't impose my problems and feelings on other people. If I got a problem I withdraw and keep to myself. I don't "lash out" against people who aren't messing with me and ruining other people's day when I could be doing other stuff.
I'm not going around to "hand out" money or resources to people living on the streets that have been locals around town making it all this time before I even made the scene here. They are just taking advantage of people's good kindness for WEAKNESS to use people to live off of because they are too lazy and selfish to work and take care of themselves as ADULTS!
I can tell the difference of "sincere homelessness" to the people out here just being homeless to "abused the system" and use people to live off of their whole lives for drug habits, criminal activity and general laziness of taking care of own self in life.
If you're gonna live a homeless life out of personal FREE WILL, please do your best to live off your own without selfishly begging people for money so you can live off people your whole life without taking care of yourself as you should.
There's a difference between those homeless people who've suffered great financial loss and/or been thrown out of society for mental illness and various reasons who are really trying to make it back into society with a home and a life in contrast to people who chronically live on the streets homeless as a lifestyle to live off of people like leeches because that's what they do their whole lives: LEECH!
I'm not an original "local resident" here in Denver Harbor, Houston, Texas. I'm from Seattle, Washington. I'm merely a visitor on a Mission! I'm not planning on staying here long-term. I'm making plans to leave this place in accordance to God's Timing as I have my "ducks-in-a-row".
For her, I don't know her life or her plans. I don't know if she plans or intends on living homeless on the streets for a transitionary period or long-term in her life. I don't know if she has people, family and friends 'round the area that could take her in or help her out in resources. She may be a resident in town; she hasn't told me any information 'bout what's going on with her; but every time she sees me she's asking me for "money". What about me? I'm homeless to. She never offered to help me out as well. Amen.
There's social security, welfare, food stamps and resources she could get for herself and kids if that's the case. She's a poor woman with kids she can get help. I'm a single, young black man in society who could be prejudiced as a "thug" or "lowlife" in society's eyes just because I'm homeless. She's just trying to use people.
I have family and friends here in Houston but I do NOT have the "safety net" she may have. From what I can see with all her angry cursing and "butt on her shoulders" she's probably pissed her family and/or friends off from helping her which really tells you something about her disposition. If you spoke to her in person I'm sure you'll understand.
I'm not gonna "enable someone" to leech off of me money and curse me senselessly when they got a "backup group" of homeless friends to help them out there. I don't have that safety net. I'm a newbie in town with no "trustworthy" local connections. Remember, it's the GHETTO I'm living in. Nobody trusts or does nothing for nobody without anything in return. It's just me and the Lord out here. That's the reality. I'm going solo by necessity not by my own personal choice completely. It'd be good to know I could have some friends and people who could "back me up" as I would them as I would need help; but I don't have that good luxury.
She has support. I've seen her group. She and her girlfriend with their kids and street folk hanging out under the green gazebo at the park. I don't know their lives. And who is out there gonna help a homeless, poor, broke homeless young black man? NOBODY really besides rare "exceptions" of individuals (such as myself for example. Yeah, yeah, I'm an example of this group. Like it or not, okay?).
In reality of the situation I would have her back but (I have an instinctive gut and TRUE feeling) she wouldn't have mine if I could better help her out in any way. She's out only for herself and HERS; I'm not a part of it. I get screwed over and she makes it without a care for my person. I give her the "benefit of a doubt" but like the Lord says "don't sleep on the pledge".
The man's the one to provide and protect and when it comes to the world of men and women. The men do the providing and protecting. The women do the nurturing and caretaking maintenance.
I accept help as necessary from women but don't really like to be helped by women partly because of "pride" as a man wanting to handle everything myself taking care of me and others and also because I don't like being seen as "weak" in any situation (that's something I'm having to grow and deal with in the Lord); when men are the ones to be helping out women in terms of survival and the sacrificial sex in live.
Why else is it commanded in Scripture that in the love of a husband towards his wife, he would give his life to die so that his wife (and friends; loved ones) could live just as even the Groom Lord Jesus Christ gave up His Life on the Cross to save His Newly-Wedded Bride the CHURCH!
Only MEN have this natural, instinctive and expected sacrificial life instinct and social mandate of society to sacrifice their own self-preservation for the good of the people, the tribe and society. NOT women. Like it or not. It's true and natural.
Women are to be kept alive and live to ("properly") get married and make babies to keep society reproduced in future generations.
Men build, maintain and protect the functioning of society and all the conveniences we take for granted in our daily modern lives from housing, plumbing, electricity, vehicle transportation, refrigerators, cell phones and all modern conveniences will enjoy in our daily lives.
The very fact she's all cursing, mad and "angry" at me a total stranger to her she doesn't know personally at all besides us seeing each other passing through town in public but never really "hanged out" together any time to really have time to know one another.
I absolutely HATE selfish-projection of people's sneaky motives on me! Quit trying to USE ME! NO LOVE SHOWN! Amen!
That all being said, the "silver lining" in the whole ordeal is she said "I still have that paper you gave me." and that right there made my day as far as I'm concerned with her.
Now, if I see her around passing through I'm gonna treat her well and normal as I've always done to anyone else. I won't "purposely avoid her" unless the Spirit bids me not to make an appearance around her.
Regardless, as is customary for me, I'm keeping her in prayer as well as all the people I meet in my daily life and "no hard feelings" or "grudges" or hold on.
I can tell she's just speaking out angrily from pain and frustration in her life of how hard life has been for her whether she brought some of it on herself or "life happened" only God knows her full story.
All I can do to people is love them, forgive them, pray for them and understand that the way they act towards me is more of an expression of what's going on in their hearts than any "personal hate" towards me; as I'm simply a "stranger" passing by she doesn't know.
May God Almighty, Lord Jesus Christ BE with us all in His Love, Wisdom, Forgiveness and TRUTH. Amen!
~ Sincerely,
Bro. Jed
The short, older young black woman with the cap on her head pushing the baby stroller with her little one" girl (can't tell if the little girl's her daughter or her taller young black woman friend with the hair twists) gives me a "mean-looking" stink eye as I made my way back to sit down in my seat.
Why, lol, are you looking so mean at me? I haven' done you bad at anything. ;D Don't ever really know you.
She was the woman I had gave a "Jesus Christ LOVES You!" Gospel of Jesus Christ gospel tract card to a few weeks back.
Turns out I walk out the library door and I'm just walking but expecting to get into an argument with her. I was led of the Spirit to walk out; I was mildly grieved, upset, disappointed and "angry" at her unfounded "chip on her shoulder"self-projection" on me. I had done nothing to make look so "mean-looking" at me. I hate seeing those "ugly faces" in my vision.
A young black man with hair twists and a cap on his head lookin' like a real "thug" as is called got some "grills" on his teeth and I think if I recall correctly his name is "Cornbread" or "Catfish" lol. Street black folk names; but serious...
So I gave this older, young black man the handwritten by pen "Jesus Christ LOVES You!" Gospel of Jesus Christ gospel tract I had made last night along with some quick pocket change.
Could have gave him more but he made like he was in a rush to somewhere before I had chance to offer him more change. I was willing to give a bit more to go along with.
Anyways I don't really want to "get all into it" but the black woman I've met before; she's all like cursing me out calling me a "b*tch *ss n*gga" and I'm standing there off to the side of the concrete building with my back and leg against the wall engaging her coolly in her arguing.
I thank God He gives me the Grace to think calmly and rationally and not respond back in my PRIDE of anger, cursing and putting her in her place.
She's all like "B*tch *ss n*gga I'mma grown *ss woman!" (Well act like one!) and she's all condescending on me like I wouldn't "help her out" cuz she homeless after I already told him I'm going through a "homeless transitionary period" myself and not completely out the woods myself.
I only had a dollar and some change on me and she's all like "This n*gga wouldn't give me a dollar so I could buy a hamburger" which is something I don't recall or remember if she told me last time we crossed paths.
I remember her asking me for a "dollar" but not her telling me what she was gonna use it for. Last time she asked me for 50 cents so she could get me to go with her and buy her a cigarette to which I refused.
Now, when she brought up the "dollar deal" again as I've moved on in life and she's thinking I remember all this; she did NOT make it clear she was going to buy a hamburger with it; but she asked if she could have some "bus fare" money" to which I flatly said NO.
I didn't get back a response to where she was going and what her plans were to go with the dollar I could have given her. I might need that myself. No telling what she would have actually done with the dollar and I would have needed that for PROPER PURPOSES! I might need to actually get the bus to handle some important business. I have no time to "handout" for "leisure trips".
Anyways she's all cursing me "guilt-tripping" me in vain fashion to make like I'm so "a-hole" when in actuality SHE WAS THE ONE BEING THE REAL A-HOLE! lol At least I wasn't all angry cursing her out but calmly reproving and countering her foul words back at her. I didn't call her a "b*tch" as it's called, even though she was acting like one. I could've "snapped" got angry back, curse and argue like a heathen thug n*gga but I knew better than that to do, obviously...
I had to do the proper, RIGHT THING as a *CHRISTIAN* to keep my personal life testimony in good standing. Be the proper EXAMPLE as (unworthy) earthly representative of Lord Jesus Christ.
She's all like "You don't know my heart! I've helped all kinds of homeless people!" yadayadayada and I'm like "So I have, you don't know me as well." and we went a little "back 'n forth" on that as I deflected her accusations and assumptions as she said "N*ggas be assuming stuff like you thought I was gonna use that dollar to buy a cigarette." I'm like "No, I didn't know what you were gonna do with that dollar. You didn't tell me you were going to buy a hamburger."
She just saying I'm "assuming" about her" when in actuality the script is FLIPPED and she's actually ASSUMING what SHE ASSUMED I thought about her. All she wanted was the money from me and to go; she didn't want to get to me know me and "make friends" as being a fellow homeless person; and go further and tell me the details of what she intented to do. Just to "rip off" something frpm me and "screw me over" and don't care about being clear and true. Just wanted my buck andto leave.
Anyways, lol, she could have been MORE HONEST and since she obviously had the "time to "fuss and argue" with me what she should have done was talk in "regular conversation" like good, civil people do and politely discuss her intentions. But no; she can't do like that.
I didn't and don't respect her horrible attitude she showed towards me. She knows she could have (in her words) "be a grown "*ss woman" and act like one but instead she's all in a "hissy fit" like an emotionally-immature lil' girl. Not behaving like a "grown woman". Do better than that. I'm a stranger to you, and haven't done you any bad or harm personally but good since we first met passing by in life. She doesn't know me at all, like I don't know her.
Lord Knows I would be willing to help any way I could at the time as long as I have an idea of what's going on in her situation. Hey, so she's homeless, so I am! We could have discussed some things to see how we both could have helped each other since we're all in the same boat; but she wasn't being "understanding" in that respect. That kind of thinking is beyond her at this point.
lol... Seems like her girlfriend had the smart sense to "keep quiet" and not condone or "go along" with her friend's pointless, senseless, arguing at a stranger. I'm not sold on her either; she probably has her own "ugly ways" as well; but hides it better than her friend. But at least friend her is honest in her "real self" upfront. I hate dealing with fakes. And yeah, I got my own "ugly ways" as well when I'm in sin; but I don't impose my problems and feelings on other people. If I got a problem I withdraw and keep to myself. I don't "lash out" against people who aren't messing with me and ruining other people's day when I could be doing other stuff.
I'm not going around to "hand out" money or resources to people living on the streets that have been locals around town making it all this time before I even made the scene here. They are just taking advantage of people's good kindness for WEAKNESS to use people to live off of because they are too lazy and selfish to work and take care of themselves as ADULTS!
I can tell the difference of "sincere homelessness" to the people out here just being homeless to "abused the system" and use people to live off of their whole lives for drug habits, criminal activity and general laziness of taking care of own self in life.
If you're gonna live a homeless life out of personal FREE WILL, please do your best to live off your own without selfishly begging people for money so you can live off people your whole life without taking care of yourself as you should.
There's a difference between those homeless people who've suffered great financial loss and/or been thrown out of society for mental illness and various reasons who are really trying to make it back into society with a home and a life in contrast to people who chronically live on the streets homeless as a lifestyle to live off of people like leeches because that's what they do their whole lives: LEECH!
I'm not an original "local resident" here in Denver Harbor, Houston, Texas. I'm from Seattle, Washington. I'm merely a visitor on a Mission! I'm not planning on staying here long-term. I'm making plans to leave this place in accordance to God's Timing as I have my "ducks-in-a-row".
For her, I don't know her life or her plans. I don't know if she plans or intends on living homeless on the streets for a transitionary period or long-term in her life. I don't know if she has people, family and friends 'round the area that could take her in or help her out in resources. She may be a resident in town; she hasn't told me any information 'bout what's going on with her; but every time she sees me she's asking me for "money". What about me? I'm homeless to. She never offered to help me out as well. Amen.
There's social security, welfare, food stamps and resources she could get for herself and kids if that's the case. She's a poor woman with kids she can get help. I'm a single, young black man in society who could be prejudiced as a "thug" or "lowlife" in society's eyes just because I'm homeless. She's just trying to use people.
I have family and friends here in Houston but I do NOT have the "safety net" she may have. From what I can see with all her angry cursing and "butt on her shoulders" she's probably pissed her family and/or friends off from helping her which really tells you something about her disposition. If you spoke to her in person I'm sure you'll understand.
I'm not gonna "enable someone" to leech off of me money and curse me senselessly when they got a "backup group" of homeless friends to help them out there. I don't have that safety net. I'm a newbie in town with no "trustworthy" local connections. Remember, it's the GHETTO I'm living in. Nobody trusts or does nothing for nobody without anything in return. It's just me and the Lord out here. That's the reality. I'm going solo by necessity not by my own personal choice completely. It'd be good to know I could have some friends and people who could "back me up" as I would them as I would need help; but I don't have that good luxury.
She has support. I've seen her group. She and her girlfriend with their kids and street folk hanging out under the green gazebo at the park. I don't know their lives. And who is out there gonna help a homeless, poor, broke homeless young black man? NOBODY really besides rare "exceptions" of individuals (such as myself for example. Yeah, yeah, I'm an example of this group. Like it or not, okay?).
In reality of the situation I would have her back but (I have an instinctive gut and TRUE feeling) she wouldn't have mine if I could better help her out in any way. She's out only for herself and HERS; I'm not a part of it. I get screwed over and she makes it without a care for my person. I give her the "benefit of a doubt" but like the Lord says "don't sleep on the pledge".
The man's the one to provide and protect and when it comes to the world of men and women. The men do the providing and protecting. The women do the nurturing and caretaking maintenance.
I accept help as necessary from women but don't really like to be helped by women partly because of "pride" as a man wanting to handle everything myself taking care of me and others and also because I don't like being seen as "weak" in any situation (that's something I'm having to grow and deal with in the Lord); when men are the ones to be helping out women in terms of survival and the sacrificial sex in live.
Why else is it commanded in Scripture that in the love of a husband towards his wife, he would give his life to die so that his wife (and friends; loved ones) could live just as even the Groom Lord Jesus Christ gave up His Life on the Cross to save His Newly-Wedded Bride the CHURCH!
Only MEN have this natural, instinctive and expected sacrificial life instinct and social mandate of society to sacrifice their own self-preservation for the good of the people, the tribe and society. NOT women. Like it or not. It's true and natural.
Women are to be kept alive and live to ("properly") get married and make babies to keep society reproduced in future generations.
Men build, maintain and protect the functioning of society and all the conveniences we take for granted in our daily modern lives from housing, plumbing, electricity, vehicle transportation, refrigerators, cell phones and all modern conveniences will enjoy in our daily lives.
The very fact she's all cursing, mad and "angry" at me a total stranger to her she doesn't know personally at all besides us seeing each other passing through town in public but never really "hanged out" together any time to really have time to know one another.
I absolutely HATE selfish-projection of people's sneaky motives on me! Quit trying to USE ME! NO LOVE SHOWN! Amen!
That all being said, the "silver lining" in the whole ordeal is she said "I still have that paper you gave me." and that right there made my day as far as I'm concerned with her.
Now, if I see her around passing through I'm gonna treat her well and normal as I've always done to anyone else. I won't "purposely avoid her" unless the Spirit bids me not to make an appearance around her.
Regardless, as is customary for me, I'm keeping her in prayer as well as all the people I meet in my daily life and "no hard feelings" or "grudges" or hold on.
I can tell she's just speaking out angrily from pain and frustration in her life of how hard life has been for her whether she brought some of it on herself or "life happened" only God knows her full story.
All I can do to people is love them, forgive them, pray for them and understand that the way they act towards me is more of an expression of what's going on in their hearts than any "personal hate" towards me; as I'm simply a "stranger" passing by she doesn't know.
May God Almighty, Lord Jesus Christ BE with us all in His Love, Wisdom, Forgiveness and TRUTH. Amen!
~ Sincerely,
Bro. Jed
No comments:
Post a Comment